My Australian Friend Kelvin Perry (Emmanuel Alba, Kelvin P., Nemo) (Emmanuel Alba, Kelvin P., Nemo)
          Personally, I've known this Aussie  since 2009 during his stay in Cagayan de Oro City for about six months. We lived at Corrales Ext. near Gaisano Mall in a big house with 4 rooms occupying just 2. That was really fantastic and unfogettable days we had as friends. Nowadays, we keep in touch especially when he's in here - the Philippines. I have so much to cherish about, to share for and to be proud of. Australian English Language and Traditions are also taught by him with a connection and comparison to some Filipino traditions and culture. English Conversational Language with an Australian-New Zealand ways are  taught especially in some sudden dialogue we have. I'ts just amazing by the way!

       Now, he has a story shared to me during his FIRST Philippines' visit.

My Trip to the Philippines
By: Kelvin Perry 

Everyone is asking me to write about my trip..So here goes.
"G'day mate, where do I catch my connecting flight to Davao?".
This to the guy behind the taxi counter after exiting my plane from Singapore and coming through customs..
"Oh you must catch that one from Manila Sir"..The smiling reply.
"Uh huh. That much I know..that is why I am here!" Also with a smile.
"Oh no Sir" This is not Manila"..
"It isn't"..My smile slipping a little..."So tell me, where the hell AM I"
"You are in Clark Sir".
"OK, I have a connecting flight to Davao in 2 hours."
"Oh no Sir! You do NOT"
With absolutely NO trace of a smile comes my terse rejoinder..
"Why the hell NOT"?
"Because Manila is 110 kilometers from here Sir"
To say I was gob smacked would have been an understatement.
So much for buying budget airline tickets on the internet. Instead of my destination being manila as it said on my tickets...Tiger airline had dropped me at the Clark airbase. Obviously a cheaper terminal for them to land at.
"Ok", I start to hammer my brain into some form of operational mode. "Sell me a ticket on the NEXT plane to Davao today".
"No planes fly to Davao from Clark Sir. That would be Manila!"
With red face and tightly clenched teeth and a TEAM of draft horses pulling at the reins of my temper I mutter.."Yes..but I am not IN manila...I am in Clark.."
"Oh yes Sir", that beautific smile again."You are in Clarke".
"SO tell me young fellah. How do I get to Davao."
"Oh no Sir, planes don't.............................."
"Fly to Davao from here," I interrupted him. "Yes I know. So how do I GET to Davao"?
"You fly to Cebu Sir, and from Cebu to Davao".
"OK sell me a ticket to Cebu on the next plane today please".
I am not thrilled to my boots about buying another damned ticket to Davao and even less about re-routing through another damned city but this tin shack on an old American Airbase was not exactly warming the cockles of my bloody heart either.
"oh no Sir" If this wanker says OH NO SIR one more time I might strain him through his moustache!!!!!!!!!!
"Oh, why is that"?  I ask politely and VERY quietly.
"Because there is no plane to Cebu until tomorrow Sir". Again with the smile!
Everyone has left this tin pot shed but me at this time and one other couple out front.
"Then where do I buy a ticket to Cebu", I ask in my most patient voice."On tomorrow plane".
"In Angeles City Sir."
"And where is Angeles City".
"A taxi will take you there Sir"
"And where do I catch a taxi"?
"They have left now Sir"
I say not a word. Not one word. I pick up my shoulder back..Grasp the handle of my suitcase and head out the door.
"One moment Sir, can I check your luggage pass"?
I am about to say "You can go plum to hell ", when I look up to see a heavily armed security guard at the door holding his hands out for my pass.
"Of course you can". For crying out loud the dudes got a sidearm and a shotgun. He can do anything he damned well likes. I rummage around in my bag and locate my boarding pass with the luggage stub attached and he matches it with the other half on my luggage and smiles and says "Thank you Sir, enjoy your stay in the Philippines."
With a sickly grin I pass through the doors.
This then, was the start of my 29 day holiday in the Philippines. One I had planned for over 5 years.
"Got a problem mate?'
This in a real dinky di Aussie accent.
It was the male part of the remaining couple outside the terminal. "tin shed"
Turns out they are heading for another Island called Palawan and are also going to Cebu the next day for their connection.
They are waiting for a local hotel shuttle bus which they booked when they purchased their tickets and invite me along.
"waiting" was something I would certainly become accustomed to over the next month albeit never with patience.
It duly arrived and no economy rooms were available at this "Clarketon" hotel and having checked into a double room for a not so modest 1800 pesos I wondered how small these economy rooms really were. But of course..I am IN one...clever wee bastards...
So it is 1PM and my plane for Cebu departs at 3pm the following day..A few phone calls to the guy meeting me in Davao, after purchasing my tickets from the travel agent in the hotel, and I am free to discover the delights of this city.
Into shorts and sandals and out into the tropical heat and a motorbike and side car swoops into where the curb should be, misses my feet though I am not sure how.  "G'day Joe! Where u go"?
"how about you take me to a bar"..I ask
"Sure joe. You want girl"?
"NO bloody way...take me to a boy-bar"
"Oh no Sir"..FUCK! here we go again
"Boy bars open at 11pm Sir"
'OK you choose a bar." I am hot..I am thirsty..I haven't eaten since yesterday.
"Ok Joe..Take u to number 1 bar in Angeles City."
A burst of exhaust..scream of overworked and tired 125 cc engine..massive slipping of the clutch and we are a sedate 15 miles an hour..
lol..It is fun..I love this country..adventure of learning new customs...the ever presant awareness of ensuring I don't screw up the local rules and regulations TOO much...
.Duly arrive at the bar..well..50 of them...all with the bevy of scantily clad gals screaming various lewd invitations beginning with "Hey Joe"...
I am in my element...well...almost.


  1. Great yarn! Wonder who wrote it :-)

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